How changing a habit helped me transition from work to home without feeling the need to hide in the pantry!

“Seriously?  SERIOUSLY??”

Why is it that every day I walk into the kitchen there is a new pile of papers on the counter?  And today…enough string to make enough friendship bracelets for all of Minnesota. A tape measure, an iPad, some chocolate milk that is hopefully only from this morning.  And yep, I just put my hand in a pile of sticky syrup.

How am I supposed to cook dinner?  I just got done working a 9 hour day, got up early to exercise so I can have time with my family when I get home and this is what they leave me.  AHHHHH!

So now what?  Now I have to either clean up their mess or give them another lecture about cleaning up after themselves.   Then I get to make dinner and clean up again. Welcome home, mom!

This used to be a common dialogue that I would have with myself when I got home from work.  

Then, instead of taking action, guess where I would go?

The pantry.  Yep. I would just stand in there and have a few crackers until I calmed down.  Club crackers here I come. Distract me, take me away from this mess, this cycle, this constant feeling of one more thing to do.  One more thing to clean up.

I was not transitioning from my work day to my home life successfully.  I was dreading what I would have to do at home before I even got home. Then my fears were validated by walking into an unorganized mess and thoughts of what to do for dinner.  

This transition home was presenting two problems.   One, a systems problem within my family. Two, a poor habit that needed changing.

Systems Problem:

It was clear we were not in a routine of cleaning up after ourselves.  We needed new routines for keeping the kitchen counters clean.  A lot of this has now been cleared up with the minimizing of the drop zone and creating the charging station out of a secretary desk.  However, we are still learning to use these spaces consistently. I also try to make sure the kitchen is cleaned each night so that things don’t pile up. This, I will admit, is still a work in progress.  But as we continue to minimize around the house it is getting better.

Habit Problem:

I needed a new routine or habit to change my mindset to be excited to come home.  After all, I do love being at home. While I am at work I miss my kids and husband.  I want to hear about their day and spend time with them. I was letting all the “stuff” get in the way.  I was also dreading deciding what to make for dinner and wondering if I had everything I needed for dinner in the house or if I would have to run back out.  My mind would race with what-ifs. What a waste of energy!!

I decided to approach this from a view of habit formation.  

According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits,  habits can be divided into four simple steps: cue, craving, response, and reward.

Here is a great article outlining the habit loop and how it works.  I also highly suggest this book if you have not read it!

Clear describes the four steps as a habit loop.  First, you have a cue that triggers your brain to initiate a behavior.  This is because it preiicts a reward. This triggers a craving. The craving motivates you to start the response (or habit).  The response (habit) is what provides the reward. Once you have the reward your brain associateds the reward with the cue and the loop begins again.

So let’s break down my transition from work to home.

Cue: my environment (messy kitchen) and the time of day (changing from work to home)

Craving: a break, time to re-energize

Response:  going into the pantry for some crackers

Reward: yummy cracker, sense of relief

The problem, after the cracker the kitchen is still messy and my body and mind are still tired.  I have only momentarily expereinced a sense of relief mentally but am stilly physically tired and overwhelmed.   

Now, what if we change up the response and stack in a nonreplacement  cue?

Cue: my environment (messy kitchen) and the time of day (changing from work to home)

Craving: a break, time to re-energize

Replacement cue: hot tea

Craving: a break, time to re-energize

Response: sitting with a cup of tea and relaxing – hopefully while watching Ellen

Reward: feeling of relief (real, not from a cracker) and a chance to rest my body and cue that it is time to switch over to home life and being present with my family.

Hence the new transition to home routine!

It starts in the car by taking a few breaths and leave behind any thoughts of work.  I walk into the house and put away my bags from work. I make sure to greet each of my kids and my husband with a kiss or hug and ask them about their day.  Then I shout out, “It’s tea time with Ellen!”

With a hot cup of tea, I sit on the couch and watch Ellen.  I transition home with love for my family, and a good laugh for me.  I can’t wait to get in and make that cup of tea and take a breather.  Now I look forward to coming home. I’m coming Ellen!

The smell of the tea sends a relaxing vibe down my insides.  I sit on my comfortable couch and take a deep breath. Time to transition.  I need this break. Not food, not to worry about the counter. A break to breath and then successfully transition.

Don’t get me wrong. There are days that we have to run around after work/school and I don’t get my tea time.  However, I try to stick to this when I can. Sometimes tea time is only ten minutes long. But the reminder that I need to give my body and my mind a break is sticking with me. It helps me be present with my family and recharge.

I also have alliviated the dinner concern most of the time by planning all dinner on Sunday in my personalized planner for our family and then getting all the grocery shopping done before the week starts.  

Systems are changing.  New habits are forming, and life is getting eaiser and more enjoyable!!  

I believe in small changes. These small changes through the 52 Weeks of Wonder Challenge are all starting to add up.  When I sat down and planned some of the challenges I did not imagine the effect they would have on each other.

Do you have a habit you are hoping to change? A transition that is hard for you? Let me know about it in the comments or email me at marnie@marniepauly.com.

Interested in learning more about habits? I will be starting a private online book club where we will discuss Brendon Burchard’s High Performance Habits book. Sign up here! The book club will start in March!